It's only a word....

Hope, Survive, Love, Life, Courage, Strength

victorynotvictim.blogspot.com

 

You may be asking yourself, "Why did she choose that web address name, and that heading for her blog? What does she know?"

 

 

Well, that is why I'm doing this post...VICTIM to me is a word that so many people get caught up in, and end up being victims for their entire lives.  If you are a victim of rape, molestation, violence of any kind, my heart truly goes out to you.  I once was a victim of molestation by my own father (later posts will go more into this).  I let that take hold of me and I ended up being a victim for a long time, I let him win...my attitude changed, I didn't really care about anything else.  I have seen other people who are victims of these crimes, and they live in that sorrow. 

 

For me, I was 22 when my dad was convicted of molesting my sister, at that time, I had convinced myself that I was over it. It had happened over 15 years before, and why do anything now, no matter what I do, he will always be my dad, how would sending him to prison make things different.  He spent 6 months in county jail, and was placed on probation for his crime against my sister.

 

During that time in my life, I was drinking quite heavily, and not treating myself with any type of respect that I should have.  I didn't think I deserved much more than being treated like crap by a man, and pushed around. 

 

It took me three more years to see things differently, I could choose to let this be in my past for good, and move on.  I knew that I needed to do this to actually be happy in life, and not to think that I was a victim.  I was still very angry with my father, because of his actions, my family was so distant from one another, and my sister barely spoke to any of us.  I didn't want to forgive him for what he did, because, I thought that meant he WON.

 

In 2007 my father was sent to prison for violation of his probation, and a DUI.  I cut ties with him, with a letter telling him he needed to repent to god, and to ask for gods forgiveness. It was not a very nice letter.  My anger was over the top.  I was so angry that he had never taken his probation/jail time seriously, he was acting like a teenager, not an adult. 

 

He was released in November 2009, and I still had so much anger towards him, I believed he needed to stay in prison for longer.  In December 2009 he passed away. 

 

Forgiveness is not for the person you are forgiving, it is for you.  It doesn't mean that you are saying what happened is okay, or that the person isn't at fault.  To forgive what has happened in the past that you cannot change.

 

I didn't forgive my father in words to his face, I forgave him in my heart, and that is all that really matters.  He didn't need to hear my forgiveness over what happened in the past.

 

The biggest thing you need to know is it's not your fault that you were a victim of a crime.  You can have a life after being a victim, you survived.

 

We have survived for a reason, we might not know why, however, so many people aren't lucky enough to survive.  Too much violence in this world takes lives.

 

Don't let the criminal win. You are a strong, beautiful person.  Choose victory rather than being a victim.  It takes hope, survival, love, life, courage, and strength to overcome these horrible crimes.