Oh, you must be the mother......

On Sunday afternoon, Trevor and I were sitting at home enjoying a relaxing afternoon, and had a knock at the door.  I answered it, and two women were there.  I knew they were from The LDS Church, and I usually don't mind when they stop by, (we haven't been to church in over a year, and I'm not too sure how they got our information here in Houston, but that is okay).  One of the ladies say "Oh, you must be the Mother of the home."  When I said no, she said "daughter?"  Mind you, this is in the span of 10 seconds of opening the door..... I again said no, and explained that it is only my husband and me in our family.. She then says, "Oh, good! A young couple..."  I just shook my head, and said, "not really...."  They introduced themselves, and after a few regular questions of how long we have been here, why we came, and where we are from, she said they would like to set up a visiting teaching appointment with me. 

At this point, I am pretty annoyed at the fact that they couldn't even just introduce themselves, and just call me Sister Gregory, rather than the "You must be the mother statement".

I politely said we aren't practicing at this time, and would prefer to not set up a visiting teaching appointment.  She then said, "ok, well, what about the home teachers".  I said, "No thanks" to which she says, "Well, when you do have kids, we are having a Halloween party on Friday"....Um....(We don't have kids now, and I told you we aren't practicing, so the Halloween party on Friday for the kids....Not interested....) 

I finally had to simply say NO THANK YOU, and shut my door, or it wouldn't have been pleasant.

I don't want to feel like a second class citizen because we don't have children.  We have been married for over 6 years, and if children are meant to be for us, they will be.  I felt like I was treated this way in our Chubbuck Ward.  Some of the people were just simply rude, or just didn't even try to notice us, because we were the only couple without children.  As far as the church....We aren't practicing obviously for personal and separate reasons beyond just not wanting to go to church.  I don't really want to go into it on my blog, as I have several family members and friends who are members of the church, and I have complete and total respect for them.

Why would you say that?

Hey all.  I posted on Facebook about this a few months ago....

This is what I had posted then: "You know that moment when you think, "Did they really just say/post that?", It can throw you off, granted, if you are here on Facebook, then you are probably usually wanting some kind of response to your posts, or you want to respond to someones post. (This has gotten me into a pinch a time or two... :) ) I'm not much into drama, but I LOVE Gossip...Trevor says I can get addicted sometimes...LOL.... Anyways, my point is, think before you type, you may not mean what you say to come across rude, or degrading, but it can be taken that way. There have been times I have typed a response/status, and deleted it, because it doesn't come across right, and I don't want to hurt/piss off someone in the process.
I've always said that everyone has the right to their own feelings, but this doesn't mean you can hurt someone else in the process. I'm kinda of Love and be loved type of person, I wish everyone could just get along, and be nice to one another.
 I'm very thankful for all our family and friends that share their lives on Facebook, I'm not much for reaching out, kinda keep to myself, barely talk to my brothers, step siblings, In-laws, nieces/nephews, Aunts, cousins and friends over the phone, so this is a way to keep in touch. I guess I'm just asking for people to be kind.... :) Love you all"

 

While growing up my mother taught me "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"  I have always tried to live by that, granted, in the heat of the moment it can be difficult. 

 

So many people say the "hate" Facebook, or it is "the devil", when in all actuality, it is the person behind that account that is to blame for what they say.  It is way too easy to type something out, and act like you are a roaring lion that everyone should be afraid of, when in all actuality, you would never say that to that person's face. 

 

Too much bullying goes on in Elementary, Middle, and High schools why do we have to have that as adults, or in our Cyber world?  We shouldn't be afraid of what someone else is going to say about us, or how they feel about us.

 

If you are a bully, or just rude, then do the world a favor, and keep those comments to yourself, because all it does is make you look ugly, mean, and rude.  You might not be that way in "real life", but when you post it online, it becomes "real" as much as you might not think so, it does.  It might seem like a good idea at the time, but think about it for a second, is what you are saying going to hurt someone else?  Is it worth ruining a relationship?  Why am I posting this specific thing about someone.  You might be being vague, no one will know what you are talking about,  and it might be something you think will make you feel better.  It won't, they will know, and it's probably not right.

 

People have lost their jobs, due to posts on the Internet.  I doubt they think it was worth it now.  People have committed suicide because of Facebook comments.

 

I have had my fair share of arguments started on Facebook that never should have happened.  I am lucky that these issues were resolved fairly quickly, and have been left in the past.

 

If you have a problem with one of your friends on Facebook, remove them, or call/personal message them to try to resolve it.  Don't post something just to hurt their feelings, because as I've said, it isn't worth it.  Act like an adult, don't act like a child who doesn't know better.

 

This world is hard enough to navigate through, we don't need to make it more difficult.  I have removed, and blocked people on Facebook and other sites, because their actions, and comments were not helpful in my life.  I would encourage you to do the same.

 

I have been removed as a friend from someone, because they found out from Facebook that I was a Democrat.  That is their decision.   I also have a Gay Niece, a nephew who was adopted, friends who have had abortions, friends who were teen mothers. If people have an issue with that, then so be it. 

 

I am very vocal about my beliefs, as I think everyone should be, however, I don't think we should be judged on that fact alone, and we shouldn't impinge on other's rights to have different beliefs.

 

What do you think about social networking sites?

 

A procrastinator at heart....

I have always found it difficult to stick to goals I set for myself.  I always change the rules, or make excuses as to why its okay to fail, or I just give up all together.

Later this month I will turn 32.  My life is wonderful, with an amazing husband at my side, and we are on a new adventure in a new city, which is fun.  However, I had other ideas as to where my life was going to go.  I can remember being 16 years old, the summer before my senior year of high school shopping with my mom and my sister.  We were discussing options as far as the future was concerned, where we wanted to see ourselves.  My sister had it all planned out, she was going to college, and going to be some type of Doctor, or Nurse.  I, on the other hand, wanted to get married right out of high school, and have kids right away.  That was all I ever wanted, to be loved by a man, and have a bunch of kids.

As it turns out, I didn't do that (turns out for the best). My sister didn't go to college until after she had 4 kids.  At 18, I moved to Seattle for a summer, I loved the city, but, I had never been away from my family.  I was homesick, and went back home (a decision I regretted almost instantly.)  I worked a few different jobs, and was trying to decide what I wanted.  I sold Mary Kay products for a few months, and gave up on that, because I thought it was just too much work.

I moved back to Seattle at 19 and was there for another summer.  I started to find myself. At the end of the summer,  I moved home to go to college. I was going to be a Legal Secretary, and eventually go to law school. Well, after starting classes, it didn't interest me anymore, so I gave up. I was so afraid of failure that I stopped myself before I started.

In the spring of 2001, I moved back to Seattle, and lived their for the next 4 years.  I worked a few jobs, and was searching for what I wanted in life.  I found a job that turned into a career as a Staffing Consultant for a Staffing agency, and loved it.  I knew I could see myself doing that forever.  The company went out of business, and I lost my job Christmas of 2004.  I was lost again, I worked another job, just kind of floating through life, searching to belong, to find what I wanted in life.

After moving back home in the fall of 2005, I met my husband, and we were married the following August.  He pushes me to do what I set my mind to, and I have accomplished so much with him by my side.  I still want to do more, and will eventually get my goals completely figured out.

In order to succeed at goals, I have to set short term check points, otherwise, I will get frustrated and give up.  I am still working at not giving up before my check points.

I have been, and probably always will be a procrastinator as far as my goals are concerned, because I always think there is tomorrow to get to it.  I don't want to live that way anymore, I want to get there now, and tomorrow can be for something better!

Over the next few months, I will be setting goals for myself, and sticking to them.  I have to tell my self no when I say to give up.

Have the never give up mindset, and you will go far in life....

It's only a word....

Hope, Survive, Love, Life, Courage, Strength

victorynotvictim.blogspot.com

 

You may be asking yourself, "Why did she choose that web address name, and that heading for her blog? What does she know?"

 

 

Well, that is why I'm doing this post...VICTIM to me is a word that so many people get caught up in, and end up being victims for their entire lives.  If you are a victim of rape, molestation, violence of any kind, my heart truly goes out to you.  I once was a victim of molestation by my own father (later posts will go more into this).  I let that take hold of me and I ended up being a victim for a long time, I let him win...my attitude changed, I didn't really care about anything else.  I have seen other people who are victims of these crimes, and they live in that sorrow. 

 

For me, I was 22 when my dad was convicted of molesting my sister, at that time, I had convinced myself that I was over it. It had happened over 15 years before, and why do anything now, no matter what I do, he will always be my dad, how would sending him to prison make things different.  He spent 6 months in county jail, and was placed on probation for his crime against my sister.

 

During that time in my life, I was drinking quite heavily, and not treating myself with any type of respect that I should have.  I didn't think I deserved much more than being treated like crap by a man, and pushed around. 

 

It took me three more years to see things differently, I could choose to let this be in my past for good, and move on.  I knew that I needed to do this to actually be happy in life, and not to think that I was a victim.  I was still very angry with my father, because of his actions, my family was so distant from one another, and my sister barely spoke to any of us.  I didn't want to forgive him for what he did, because, I thought that meant he WON.

 

In 2007 my father was sent to prison for violation of his probation, and a DUI.  I cut ties with him, with a letter telling him he needed to repent to god, and to ask for gods forgiveness. It was not a very nice letter.  My anger was over the top.  I was so angry that he had never taken his probation/jail time seriously, he was acting like a teenager, not an adult. 

 

He was released in November 2009, and I still had so much anger towards him, I believed he needed to stay in prison for longer.  In December 2009 he passed away. 

 

Forgiveness is not for the person you are forgiving, it is for you.  It doesn't mean that you are saying what happened is okay, or that the person isn't at fault.  To forgive what has happened in the past that you cannot change.

 

I didn't forgive my father in words to his face, I forgave him in my heart, and that is all that really matters.  He didn't need to hear my forgiveness over what happened in the past.

 

The biggest thing you need to know is it's not your fault that you were a victim of a crime.  You can have a life after being a victim, you survived.

 

We have survived for a reason, we might not know why, however, so many people aren't lucky enough to survive.  Too much violence in this world takes lives.

 

Don't let the criminal win. You are a strong, beautiful person.  Choose victory rather than being a victim.  It takes hope, survival, love, life, courage, and strength to overcome these horrible crimes.

 

 

 

 

A new adventure....

Alright, so here we are, on a new blog...This blog is going to consist of different topics a few times each week.  I hope that I can start some type of discussion, or help anyone out there who may be having issues.  I have had some experiences in my life that may help others going through the same type of situation. 

I am hoping to not offend anyone with this blog, I simply am wanting to be here to help, and to voice opinions.  Please feel free to comment as you wish.  :)